A Collection of Random Naruto Stuff
by Hey what's that gun for
Summary: Just an idea of what I think is funny
1. One pointless daydot dot dot

**(It was late afternoon, and Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were waiting in the usual training field for Kakashi- sensei to show up. It had been later then usual, and Sakura was worried, while Narutp and Sasuke were pissed off.)**

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"Dammit, where the fuck is Kakashi sensei?!" Naruto complained.

"Shut your piehole, Naruto!" Sasuke said unemotionally.

"Hey, waddya mean 'unemotionally'? There's an exclamation mark at the end of his statement? And besides, why would Sasuke say something like that?" Said a random person walking by, as Sasuke and Naruto called each names (like loser, retard, gay wad, ect.)

"Shut up, just go along with it, we all know the author sucks, but you don't see us complaining about it!" Sakura told the random person whom- was- insulting- my- writing.

Suddenly, some jounin- dude- that- I'm- to- lazy- to- name appears out've one of those annoying clouds of smoke.

cough "Why the fuck can't you people just walk here normally? Why do you have to appear randomly out've those damned clouds of smoke? I mean, some of us have asthma, you know!" Naruto yelled at the Jounin- dude.

"But...its fun..." Protested the jounin- dude.

"I don't give a steaming pile of shit! Just fricken don't do that!" Naruto screamed again.

"Well, whatever, anyway...Kaka-"

Naruto cut him off "Don't you 'whatever' me, you're not going to do that fuking cloud thing again, understand?"

"Uh, yea, I do" Replied random jounin.

"All right, now what were you saying?" Naruto asked, with his eyes closed (god, isn't that annoying?)

"...Kakashi told me to tell you, he's going to be late, because-"

"Well, its kinda to late to tell us that, because we've been waiting here for a fuking 3 hours, thats three times longer then how that scum bag is usually late" Sasuke implied.

"Well, you didn't let me finish, you see there's a reason-"  
"He was being a lazy- ass again?" Sakura asked.

The random jounin dude lost his temper.

"WILL YOU LITTLE BRATS LEMME SAY SOMETHING, WITHOUT INTERUPTING, WTF IS THE MATTER WITH YOU IDIOTS?!"

They sat there silent for a minute, when Naruto broke the silence, "Gosh, jounin, don't be so bitchy..."

"For your information, my name is Jounin- Dude, not just jounin, show some respect...and capitolize it" Snapped the jounin(lol).

"...Anyway, Kakashi told me to tell you, he'd be late because-"

"You told us that already!" Naruto said impatiently.

"...Because...he...was-"  
"Stop pausing..." Sasuke ordered.

Jounin clears throat"

"When are you going to tell us" Sakura asked.

Suddenly, the Jounin- dude takes out a kunai, and slits his throat, killing himself. Apparently, he couldn't take it anymore.

Immediately after seeing this, Kakashi jumped out of the tree he was in, where he was watching his students.

"Congradualations, you three idiots have passed my completely pointless test, that has taken the life of an innocent person" Kakashi told them.

"Huh, but I though you were late, or something, I wasn't listening" Naruto said.

"Oh, I was in that tree right there the whole time, but I wish you guys hadn't tooken your time, my ass hurts" Kakashi told them.

"But, why exactly?" asked Sakura.

"Oh, just to see some descent suicidal action, and to see if you guys are really that annoying." Kakashi replied.

"But, what was this fool trying to tell us then?" Naruto asked, kicking the dead body, and poking it with a stick.

"Well, I led him on to believe, that I was going to be attacked by giant, scary cannibalized hobo clowns near this time, and it would probably take me a while to defeat them. Seeing as how their smelliness would paralyze me." Kakashi answerd.

"Nice" Sasuke commented.

"Yea, but-" Sakura started

"But what?" Kakashi asked

"That guy died without a proper name, its only fair that we give him a really kewl one" Sakura said.

"I agree" agreed Naruto (hah)

"How about...Jimmy?" Asked Sasuke.

"Yea, Jimmy" Said Naruto and Sakura.

"How about...Kakashi jr.?" Kakashi suggested.

"Dude, what's your problem?"

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**Author person : I'll make more, if at least one person gives a review.**


	2. Eye Liner and Hairgel

**Author Person: Hi, and welcome to another worthless story of Naruto, that is supposedly humorous, but horribly failed? Anyway, I don't know why I'm typing at the beginning of the story, because I know people skip this part, and move on to the story. So, I guess that means I can slack off, and type random words that have absouloutly nothing to do with Naruto. Awkward silence. Buffalo. Circumferencely challenged. Cream cheese. Finger. Mcshalhynglahyn. Milk. Jimi. Toes... Heh, that was self- ammusing.**

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"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto adresseddedded Sasuke. 

"Yes, disembodieddedded voice?"

"Wtf? I'm not disembodieddedded"

"I want you to be, so that I wouldn't be able to see you running around with your eyes closededded. Do you have any fucking idea, of how frigging annoying that tends to be?" Sasuke toldedded Naruto with his eyes closededded, head towards the sky.

"But, when I close my eyes, it feels like I'm on drugs, and thats a good feeling."

"Dude, how do you know what its like to be on drugs?"

"..."

"Why do I find this expecting?" Sasuke askedded no one in particular.

"Alright, well anyway...Sasuke I have to tell you something!" Naruto saidedded.

"God, did Kakashi- sensei get his head stuck in the toilet again? I told him not to-"

"Well...yea...But thats not it!" Naruto cut him off.

"All right then, stop pausing, and fucking tell me, you asswipish loser!"

"Well, like I know you'd be most concerneddedded, because Konoha's run out of your favorite hairgel!" Naruto barely was able to say.

-Dramatic music- Sasuke's eyes widened in fear, as he scremeddedded at the top of his lungs, "**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"**

Sasuke's head, knees, and hands were on the ground. How could he get his hair that way without that hairgel? Without his hairgel- he was nothing...

* * *

(In Suna. that one sand village place) 

"Kazekage- same dude, we have to talk to you..." Saiddedded Kankuro (I can't spell his name right, I think) along with Temari.

"What is it? I'm busy signing these forms, on the jail- release forms for child melesters, and cold- blooded murderers..." Gaara askeddedded.

"Well-"

"Kakashi got his head stuck in the toliet?"

"No, Its just that...its something you'd be really concerned about...uh...well"

"What, incredibly foolish brother in black jumpsuit with facepaint, what?

"Well...Suna's run out of your favorite eyeliner..." Kankuro tolddedded him, while looking at the floor.

"..."

"Gaara-sama dude?"

"..."

"You okay?"

"..."

"Omg, I think he's in shock!" Saiddedded Temari.

"Hey, I've got an idea to make Gaara feel better!" Kankuro statedddedded.

"What"

"Let's stand here argueing about what we should do, although we should be taking him to the hospitol! Just like in that one episode, where Itachi beat up Sasuke, and everyone just stood there for the longest time!"

"Good idea, Kankuro!"

"... ("

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**Author person: Heh, heh. Uh, sorry to all you Gaara or Sasuke fans (This story doesn't state that they're gay)...I'm one to, its just that that's pretty much the only plot I could come up with at the time. But anyway, from here, I'm going to continue with my insignigigant stories of Naruto...yea...**


	3. Unlikely

**Hah, I know its wierd to make two chapters all in the same day, but I was really bored, and all that lame crap that bothers me. Anyway...I'm kinda pissed because I have fucking school tomorrow, so that might affect what I'm about to type. **

* * *

(Practice just ended for Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto)

"Hey, Kakashi- sensei?" asked Naruto.

"Yes, little bundle of annoying sunshine?"

"Uh, I was wondering if I could have your opinoin on something..."  
"Yea?"

"Should...I give up on my dream on being a hokage?"  
"Do you want me to be absouloutely truthful with you, Naruto?"  
"Wtf, why do you think I fricken asked your dull opinoin?"

"All right then, If I were to be truthful, I'd say you being a hokage, makes Lee running up and down the street in a ballerina suit on a unicycle, juggling activated hang grenades screaming 'I LOVE GAI- SENSEI!!!!!!' very possible..."

(In background, Lee is running up and down the street in a ballerina on a unicycle, juggling activated hang- grenades, screaming 'I LOVE GAI SENSEI!!!!!!)

"But, uh sensei, Lee actually is-"

"No asses, Naruto! You told me to be truthful, and I was..."

"Butt-"  
"No!"

"Lee-"

"Naruto, No!"

"BUTSENSEI,LEEISACTUALLYDOINGWHATYOUJUSTSAIDTHATISLIKELYIFIBECAMEHOKAGE!" Naruto screamed.

"Wha-" Kakashi turned around to see exactly- those- thing -I- typed- b4- that- I'm- to- lazy- to- type- now.

Along with Sakura laughing at him and pointing, and with Sasuke throwing eggs at him, that he stole from Iruka coming back from the store.

* * *

**Author person: I know, extremely short, sucky...yea...**

**Random dude guy: But, Rock Lee was juggling _activated_ grenades, shouldn't it like, blow up, and kill everyone or something?**

**Author person: Shhh...the readers might hear you...Shifts eyes frantically **


	4. Lesson learned violently

**Author Person: Yea, I must be pretty strange...I mean the third chap on the same day...probably won't be the last on this day to. Anyway, I'm sorry of the suckiness of my rescent chaps, uh, I guess my humor circulation is blocked today, maybe I should see some kinda doctor or sumthing...**

**Disclaimer- thingy: I don't own Naruto, If I did, there'd be man- eating flying potatoes in it, people would randomly say 'cheese' alot, and the series would crash.**

**Author Person: Shut up, you dumb disclaimer! You don't know anything! -chases disclaimer with chainsaw-**

* * *

"TRA LA LA LA LA!" Naruto called, as he skipped happily around Konoha. 

"STOP THAT!!!" Screamed one of the jounins, who happened to be nearby the skipping blur of orangeness.

Naruto came to a stop. "Why?'

"Can't you fucking read?" The jounin asked, as he pointed to a sign.

"No, I only went to Ninja Academy, not school or anything not involving ninja stuff."

"Well, I can't read either, but It says 'No Skipping around town, screaming TRA LA LA LA LA!'."

"Gosh, why would you guys have a retarded rule like that?"  
"Actually. you were the one that put that rule in action, remember what happenned last time you did that?"

"Oh, yea..."

* * *

_**Flashback... .flashback... flash back..:**_

_"TRA LA LA LA LA!" _

_"AHHH, GET THAT UNDERSIZED ADORABLE KID OUTTA THE WAAAAY!"_

_"OH NO, I JUST GOT THIS T-SHIRT, AND YOU SPILLED COFEE ON IT!"  
"Uhhhh..."_

_**End of flashback... flashback... flashback...**_

* * *

"Hm, poor little kid, he just got that t-shirt..."

"Yes, exactly, and that's why you don't skip around, with your eyes closed, until eventually you knock down a cofee resteraunt."

"Man, how the fuck did I manage to do that?"

"I don't know, but you need to be taught a lesson, so for a punishment, I'm going to slice your right arm off, with this chainsaw, I randomly found on the ground!"

"ACK!"

-Jounin slices off right leg-

-Naruto screams in pain-

"Whoops, I missed, aw well, I'll try again!"

-Jounin slices off left arm-

"Heh, I guess I'm getting clumsy..."

-Naruto curses loudly at jounin-

-Jounin slices off left leg-

"Aw well, I'll just leave him like this..."

"WTF IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!?!"

"Bye Naruto- which- is- now- a- bloody- carcass!"

"$&($$"

**** _

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_

**Author Person: Yea, sorry for like, nearly killing Naruto off, but momentarily, it was the only thing I could think of. Aw well, I think it was funny. If you disagree, tell me. I won't mind.  
**


	5. The Dangers Of Borrowing Pencils

**Author Person: Hello, and welcome to another parody- like story of Naruto I did poorly on.**

**Dislclaimer: Author person doesn't own Naruto. If they did, then the series would immediately crash, and everyone would hate the series, and throw food at the television everytime it came on.**

**Author Person: R & R or die... Starts chainsaw )**

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**

(This is a story, where everyones still in ninja academy)

"Scarface- sensei, can I borrow a pencil?" Naruto asked.

"No, you always eat them, and always make me take you to the hospital.for granite- poisoning" Iruka replied calmly.

"What if I made a bunch of clones, that attacked you?"

"Then I might just reconsider."

"Allright!" Naruto then did the shadow clone jutsu thingy, where he did all those confusingly fast hand symbols.

"AHHHHHHHH MORE NARUTOS!" Iruka screamed, as the Naruto clone things attacked him with metal poles, they randomly found out of nowhere.

"..."  
"Er, Iruka- sensei, are you alive?" Naruto asked, as his clones dissapeared in those annoying poofs of air, that killed a few ninjas, due to their asthma.

"I...Regret...not...going... for the delivery- boy career..." Iruka muttered, as he slowly died.

"Blah!" He said as his last words, or expressions, whatever...

"Hey, now I can take all the pencils!" Naruto noticed, as the remaining ninja academy students in his class that didn't die from asthma ran from the school, happy and skipping with joy.

* * *

**Author person: It sucked even more then usual, right? Well, I guess its because I'm really pissed, because I was walking back from school with my friends, when this one dude really, really pissed me off, so I chased him to the middle of the street, where he almost got run over by a semi- truck, (Lawl) and then we went to this store to get some Mountain Dew, and I saw a sign that said "Please Watch Your Step" so, I said it outloud, in a kind tone, then screamed at the top of my lungs "WATCH YOUR STEP!!!!!!" in an angry tone, which made me spit out my mMoutain Dew, and fall on the hot pavement later, when my friend said it. So, I lost my Moutain Dew, and got pissed... ( **


	6. New Jutsu

**Author Person: Hi people, readers, whatever the hell you are to read my writing! (heh, kidding) Right now, It's...10:50, and I'm starting rite now. Uh, we have testing at school tomorrow, and I'm staying up, how smart of myself...anyway, I just wanted to give you a warning that this is going to suck balls even more then usual. **

**Disclaimer: Author Person doesn't own Naruto. But she does own Sasuke.**

**Author Person: Yey! -Hugs Sasuke- **

**Sasuke: Why do all the homicidal ones have to fall for me? --**

**Author Person: Wha- Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! -Gets attacked by mob of fangirls, and dies- 0o**

**

* * *

"Hey." Kakashi greeted Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura.**

"Wtf? What kind of gay greeting is 'hey'? You could say something kewler." Naruto told

"Like saying 'BELIEVE IT' all day is better..."

"Burned!" Yelled a random person walking by in the backround (that happens all the time in my class).

"All right, now that Naruto has finished critizising things that don't even comprehend to his gay lines, we'll get one with training."

"We're actually going to train, usually we just go to the ramen shop, buy a bunch of ramen shop, then run away without paying?" Sakura stated.

"Yeah, well, I don't feel like ramen today." Kakashi replied.

"..."

"Yea, well anyway, you three...annoying wastes of oxygen are going to learn a new jutsu."

"Whats the jut-" Started Naruto.

"The jutsu is one called 'Running off to your mommy like a coward no jutsu,' here lemme demonstrate..."

Kakashi then snuck up behind Naruto, who was currently getting attacked by a horde of bees that were attacking him for no apparent reason, and suddenly grapped his shoulders, like those dressed- up people on the haunted trails, that sneak up on you.

"Arrrrrghhhhhh! IT WAS THE FLYING INVISABLE MONKEYS, THEY TOLD ME TO!" Naruto randomly screamed, as he ran off.

"And thats how you do the Running off to your mommy like a coward no justu!" Kakashi told his remaining students.

"But...Naruto doesn't have a mom, His dad is still alive and he's actually-"

"Sakura, you're about to spoil the whole plot!" Sasuke told her (Ooc, rite?)

"Well, besides, that wasn't a jutsu, that was scaring a retard that was beeing attacked by bees."

"Yea, but it was fun"

"True"

"Hah, c'mon, lets go tee-pee Gai's house!" Kakashi suggested.

"Nice" Sasuke commented.

"NO THAT IS VERY UNYOUTHFUL!" Lee screamed, as he suddenly appeared.

Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi just ignored him, as they headed to Gai's house.

* * *

**-Magically brought back to life-**

**Author Person: I know, it really sucked this time, right? This must be like the suckiest chapter, ever... -Hugs Sasuke again, agaisnt his will-**

**Sasuke: Read and Review, or...uh...something bad will happen! **


	7. Rejected

**Author Person: I don't own Naruto...but one day I shall!!! hence diabolical laughter  
Gaara: Do you have to laugh so loud?**

**Author Person: If I don't then the hearing impaired won't hear screams this**

**Gaara: sigh**

**Disclaimer: Hey, I was...nevermind... grumbles stuff  
Author Person: I don't pay you to insult me... hits over the head**

* * *

sniff "GAI- SENSEI, SAKURA REJECTED ME AGAIN!!!!" Lee screamed painfully...loudly to his sensei, that I find his realationship with...disturbing.

"Why, Lee?"

"SHE SAID I WAS A FRUITY GAY- ASS THAT SHE WAS EMBARASSED TO BE AROUND!"

"Turn the caps off, you loser!" demanded random voice from the backround.

"Let's visit her now, and MAKE her go out with you, with our youthfulness!"  
"Yes, Gai sensei!"

(Random scene change)

"Hey Sakura, do you have the feeling that we're about to be ambushed by two people with unsightly eyebrows?" Naruto asked, turning to Sakura in the middle of team sevens training session.

"Strangely enough..." Sakura replied.

Suddenly, Lee came out of...um...nowhere... and started asking Sakura out and stuff.

"You asked me about a minute ago, I don't think the answer would change," Sakura stated.

"Oh! Gai- sensei she rejected me again!" Lee cried as Gai and him formed a hug, with that annoying sunset in the backround.

"It's okay Lee, Im here for y-"

"Wait, hold on a fucking minute!" Naruto started cutting the inspirational embrace off, while the sunset was still in the backround.

Everyone besides Lee and Gai and...Naruto sighed in frustration because another random outburst was beginning to take place.

"We were trying to fucking train, and then suddenly, you guys interrupt, and bring all this sunset shit here...  
Who the fuck do you think you are?!"

"Sorry Naruto, its just th-"  
"Sorry isn't gonna cut it..." Naruto stated.

"Now I want you guys...to go hang yourselves by a tree, and let us use you as target practice" Naruto said, pointing to a nearby tree.

"That isn't very youthful..."  
"I don't give a damn."

"Do it."  
"But-"  
"Do it, or I can guarrantee you, that when you sleep, I will shave your damn hair off, or take your wigs, whatever it is."

"Okay then." They said as they walked over to the trees painfully slow. They strapped themselves to the ropes, which they'd hung to the tree, and waited to see what Naruto would do next.

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi all seemed to be laughing at the fact that they were gasping for air.

After they passed out from lack of air, they cut the ropes. And sat in awkward silence for a few moments.

"Let's go steal from their houses while they're 'sleeping'" One of them suggested.

"Yeah..." They all agreed as they headed towards the houses of the sleeping spandex people.

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**Author Person: Yeh, I finished it monotone voice**

**Sasuke: How come I wasn't in it, I was just an innocent bystander...**

**Kakashi: Me too.**

**Author Person: Because... passes out because is 3 in the morning**

**Sasuke: Dammit, not again.**

**Kakashi: kix author person Are you alive?**

**Author Person: No! Not the Flashlight! (yes, I talk in my sleep)**

**Sasuke: Bad memories?**

**Kakashi: I think she said something about hitting her head on one.**

**Sasuke: Aw well, Review or die!!! happy voice and eyes squinting in menacing way**


	8. Question and reply

**Author Person: Alrite, any of my readers (sighs knowing they have no readers and that their efforts are in vain) I want 2 apologize 2, I havent updated in a while -reader starts chainsaw- (now nervous) I want to explain why, u see...me n my friend Ralf, went to see that new movie, The Invisible, and I was to caught up in fun to update, and there was all that testing...so...uh...that's why-**

**Disclaimer: Author Person doesnt own Naruto-**

**Author Person: Excuse me, Did you just interupt me?**

**Disclaimer: Uh...yea-**

**-Author Person attacks disclaimer with a baseball bat-**

**Sasuke: Uh, since Im apparently the only person not...preoccupied, uh, Im gonna end this intro with the word, cheese.**

**Author Person: Cheese? Where?**

**(By the way, todays story is located at the Akatsuki base)**

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?" Tobi asked Kisame.

"You just did."

"Oh, well, can I ask another question?"

"You just did."

"Well..."  
"..."  
"Goddammit, fuck this, forget the goddamned question!"

Tobi walked away, stared at Kisame from a distance, then walked back up. (whats the point of that?)

"How can you breath when you have gills?"  
"What now?"  
"Are you hearing impaired?"  
"I dunno, its just that you talk strangely."  
"How can you breath when you have gills?" he repeated.

"Because I also have a nose...duh..."

"Then...why do you resemble a fish so much?"  
"Because Im from the village of the mist, thats where fish come from. Mist. Duh, dumbass."

"Fish don't come from mist-"

"Your mom," Kisame interupted.

"Wtf does that have to do with anything?"

"Your mom."  
"You're starting to piss me o-"  
"Your mom,"  
"Ok, u bastard"

camera drops to the floor, and you hear a few gunshots, diabolical laughter, and profuond words

camera is picked up again

"Well, Im sorry that Kisame can't be at this part of the story right now, he wanted to bury himself in my backyard for some reason..."

"And the camera guy dicieded he wanted to tell other people that, and joined him..."

* * *

**Author Person: Yup...that was getting kinda scary, so I decieded to abruptly end it.**

**Sasuke: Where'd the disclaimer go?**

**Author Person: ...**

**Sasuke: Stop killing the disclaimer.**

**Author Person: It interupted me!**

**Sasuke: -sigh- Plz review, or we'll send our flying monkeys to kill you while you're sleeping. -reads from a script-**

**Author Person: Oh, yea, and thank you reviewers whom have already reviewed!**

**Rock Lee: Hey, fellow youthful peopl-**

**Author Person: RUNNNN!!!!**

**Rock Lee: Not again.**


	9. AGH CAN'T THINK OF TITLE

**Author Person: Anyway, this chap is about... -snore-**

**Sasuke: Do you have to write new chapters so late? Its 4 in the fukn morning!**

**Author Person: -wakes up- What now? **

**Disclaimer: Author Person doesn't own Naruto, a random dude from Japan duz.**

**Author Person: You interrupted a conversation between me and Sasuke!**

**Disclaimer: Well I had too, I mean-**

**Author Person: Die you intolerent douche!!!**

**Sasuke: -shifts eyes nervously to the unsightly mass of bloody ruins on the other side of the room- I'm starting to get tired of these 'suspicious' homicides of the disclaimers... Hmm...maybe we should hire a wrestling champion...but wrestling champions are nothing agaisnt chainsaws...aw well...**

**And while Sasuke is debating with himself on the disclaimer dissapearence, Author Person is burying the body in the backround...**

**Sasuke:What? Who Said that? **

* * *

(Today, the story is located of team 7 training grounds, with team 7...training!) 

"I swear I keep hearing narrative voices..." Sasuke began.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it...we did" Naruto told him -exasperated sigh-

"See after every sentence, theres a descriptive voice that explains who just talked..." Sasuke asked.

"I didn't ask anything, dumb- ass!" the retard claimed.

"Sasuke, calm down, don't let it get to you," Sakura told him.

"Yea, you're rig-"

"Yo," Kakashi poofed out've nowhere.

"Yo is so cliche," Naruto told Kakashi.  
"Touche," Kakashi replied.

"What about us? There's no 'ches' for me and Sasuke now!" Sakura complained.

"Hn." Sasuke agreed.

Naruto took out an Idiots Guide To Angsty People, then after a minute looked up and said "Because life is like that deal with it."

"Wait, I got one!" Sakura said randomly.

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"Douche." She told him (Lol, its pronunced Do- che though...ha ha)

"Yeah...good one..." Kakashi complimented, tired of just standing there.

"You know the readers will be confused." Sasuke told her.

"What readers?" Naruto asked.

"Good point."

"Okay..." Kakashi started.

"If you guys are done talking about douches, we're going to start training..."

"No way, we're going to actually train today!?" Naruto asked/ screamed.

"Yes...that's what I just said." Kakashi answered.

"What are we going to do, then?" Sakura asked.

"Well, I want you guys to attack me- without mercy and- AAUUGGHHH!!!"

Kakashi turned to Sasuke: "Why the hell did you just lodge a Kunai in my shoulder???!!!"

"You just said to attack you without mercy, so I did."

"Not now, smart one!!!" He screamed while taking the kunai out.

"...Okay, now I want you guys to attack me without mercy-" Sasuke took another kunai out and looked like he was going to aim for his head that time, "AFTER I tell you too, so that I can find your goddamned weaknesses and make fun of you guys for it, and consider strengthening them." He finished.

"Okay, now when I say the word, I want you guys to attack me."

"What's the word?" Sakura asked.

"it's-"

"It's? What the fuck?' Naruto commented.

"No, you artard...the word is..." -drum roll-

"McShyalhynglahyn."

"McShyallhynglahyn???" Sasuke questioned.

"Yes..."

"Okay, then..." Sakura said.

"Alrite...McShyallhynglahyn!!!" Kakashi screamed.

"You called?" Some random dude named McShyallhynglahyn asked.

"No, Not you-AUGH!!!! DAMN YOU!!!" He screamed.

Sasuke had hit Kakashi again with a kunai...

"WTF IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, SASUKE!!!!" Kakashi asked him.

"I thought you were probably a log or something...and you kinda said without mercy..."  
"I DIDN'T FUCKING MEAN I-" And so, Kakashi passes out due to blood loss.

-Sasuke kicks Kakashi and Kakashi remains unmotionless.-

"I think hes going to be like this for another few hours..." Sasuke told his teammates who rescently arrived.

"Hey! Let's go get some ice cream!!!" Naruto suggested.

"Yeah!!" They all agreed.

And so team 7 ('cept Kakashi) all skipped happily to the ice cream shop to paralyze the employees and steal the ice cream while they were unconscious. With Kakashi on the ground, his eye twitching.

* * *

**Author Person: Everytime I get an email thats all 'Omifukn gosh, someone like you actually got a review' Im all 'Yay! Someone appreciates me,' but then I'm like 'Oh no, its probably insulting! Negativity over the internet makes me nervous!' So, then I open it, and its not an insult, so its not awkward! Thank you revieweers! You made my day less awkward!**

**Sasuke: That was random...why are you acting so happy?**

**Author Person: Because I just finished a tiring chapter.**

**Naruto: Hey, guys!**

**Author Person: I'm not a guy, dude!**

**Naruto: I'm not a dude!**

**Author Person: ...**

**Sasuke: ...what?**

**Naruto: It was the only thing I could think of!**

**Author Person: Let's put this disturbing even behind us...**

**Sasuke: That'd be a good idea...**

**Naruto: Ramen!**

**Author Person: -sweat drop- what?**

**Naruto: Just keepin' it lively...**


	10. Wallet

**Author Person: Yea, sorry didn't update yesterday. We author persons have social lives too! Although there might be some exceptions...**

**Sasuke: What are we going to do about the disclaimer?**

**Author Person: Don't worry, I already buried him in the backyard. -sinister laughter-**

**Sasuke: That's not what I mean... -exasperated sigh-**

**Author Person: Aw well, the readers know I don't own Naruto. Besides, I'd have no moneh for it. -depressed look at wallet which is gathering cobwwebs-**

**Sasuke: Readers?**

* * *

"Where's Kakashi?" Sakura asked Sasuke, as Naruto and her walked casually up to him.

"Remember, we left him in the forest yesterday, when we went to go eat ice cream?" Naruto answered for Sasuke, who scowled at Naruto.

"Let's go see him," Sakura suggested.

"Why?" Naruto and Sasuke questioned.

"We forgot to take his wallet, I bet that old guy's loaded," she answered excited.

"Yeah! Let's go!" Naruto agreed, as Sasuke and Sakura already had began walking to the place where they'd left Kakashi.

"We already are, dumb ass." Sasuke told Naruto.

They walked in silence as they walked through the forest until Naruto started screaming.

"Omg! Look there he is!" Naruto said.

"No, that's an aging porcupine- omg! You're right!" Sakura exclaimed.

"...water..." Their sensei demanded, crawling towards, since that was apparently the only thing he was capable of doing at the time.

Ignoring his complaints for water, Sasuke walked up to Kakashi, and reached into his pocket and found a wallet, ignoring Kakashi's protests.

"No, there's credit cards in that!" Kakashi yelled, crawling towards Sasuke.

"Exactly," Sasuke told him, sparing him a smirk then walking off with Naruto and Sakura to use the credit cards on random things they barely have interest in.

"Damned teenagers..." Kakashi said to himself.

* * *

**Author Person: Hey, Sasuke, I just figured something out!**

**Sasuke: Hn? (What)**

**Author Person: I'm older then you! Ah ha ha ha ha! -perfect imatation of Cartman from Southpark-**

**Sasuke: Only by a year, besides thats only when Im a gennin.**

**Author Person: So? **

**Sakura: Hey, guys!**

**Author Person: Didn't I go over the use of the word 'guys' yesterday...?**

**Sakura: Oh, sorry. **

**Sasuke: Wow, this is dull...**

**Sakura: ...**

**Author Person: ...**

**Sasuke: ...**

**Author Person: SASUKE GLOMP!**

**Sasuke: ...what?**

**-Sakura and Author Person glomps Sasuke-**

**Sasuke: What was that for?**

**Author Person: Time- Passer...anyways, readers, I might add pairing to this story, any pairings at all, just give me suggestions, kay? No yaoi or yuri...I mean that kinda stuffs disgusting...**

**Sakura: ...random???**

**Author Person: Im not random, I just have many thoughts...**

**Sasuke: ok then...**


	11. Author note

**Author Person: Muahahaahaaa, soon, I'll break a world record!**

**Sasuke: For what?**

**Author Person: Not sleeping...for two days (heh heh heh)**

**Sasuke: o.0**

**Author Person: I should get some advice from Gaara...**

**Gaara: What now?**

**Author Person: How do you never sleep?**

**Gaara: Because I have a demon inside me.**

**Author Person: We all do.**

**Gaara: Dammit, don't you dumb asses listen when I lecture you about my past.**

**Sasuke and Author Person: Nope.**

**Gaara: Alrite fine...its coffee.**

**Author Person: Ugh...coffee.**

**Coffee: Author Person doesn't own...hey Gaara...what're you doin-AAA AUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!**

**

* * *

**


	12. Akatsuki

**author- person: *ahem* ...well don't really feel like writing right now, but I have nothing to do...let's see it's...3:53 in the..morning..? wtf..well anyways. I have all these...ideas well they were ideas *mental claw motion*... but they were blocked off by other thoughts of things...possibly things like...'what is with those composition books, and why are they so annoying..?' but now I'm just gonna type this then stare aimlessly into space until I think of a suitable idea. But i think i've lost all of my readers..which makes me wanna talk on the phone at a carnival..nvm that anyways. um..there is no anyways..**

**naruto: BELIEVE I-**

**author- person: okay, when the FUCK did I say that you could appear the author- person's view on the story exposition..?**

**naruto: Believe it *says strangely calm and jumps off walls multi- tasking between the two***

**author- person: wow...I thought that was only an over- exaggeration..hm..keeps me thinking..wonder if 'uh- oh spaghetti o's' is an over- exaggeration..how can it be spaghetti if it's an 'o'...man.... *deep in thought***

**author- person: uh...I've think I might have an actual idea..but anyways...I don't own Naruto...or it'd be the least watched anime program on..Earth. Yes. Earth. And there would be more unnecessary outbursts of violence..like Naruto would be like 'Hey, I really like ramen..' for like the first time and everyone would do a backflip then shoot him in his fingernail. With an orange peel...uh...I think they'd cut off my funding. D:**

**naruto: *drinking juice- box stoicly***

**author- person: *glances over confused* okay..this is gonna suck..**

* * *

"AKATSUKI HIDEOUT!!" shouted some guy that really shouldn't announce that.

"Somebody go kill that guy, everytime we find a new base, he announces our location..wonder how it's possible he's stayed alive..?" The leader of Akatsuki commanded. While painting his nails, in the corner so no one could see him, although everyone already knew..which made him look like a gray blob painting it's nails.

"Busy, yeah." Deidara told him while brushing his hand's teeth. "Wtf, stop eating the toothpaste!" He yelled at his hands, which in response ate the toothbrush.

Kisame was too preoccupied with feeding his new goldfish, 'K- Bling,' while picking out outfits for it. Itachi was yelling at him in a monotone voice about how he never pays anymore attention to him.

Kakuzu was molesting money...what a pedo...

Sasori was stabbing a puppet in frustration..because it wouldn't have a sophisticated conversation without mouthing off.

Tobi was helping Deidara eat toothbrushes, which ended up having Deidara take Sasori's knife he was using to stab the puppet with and cut off an inch of Tobi's hair..

Hidan then stole the knife (haha twice stolen) and was resuming the stabbing of the puppet, but got frustrated because it wouldn't bleed and threw the knife which landed in 'K- Bling's' bowl and stabbed him in which he died to death.

"K- Bling, I was going to teach you to be the first pro- fish rapper/ FBI agent!!" Kisame cried and threw himself to the ground and became caught in a spiral of depressional..sadness..Itachi smirked at K- Bling, and planned not to attend K- Bling's funeral.

"Ah Fuck, Motherfuck. What the fuck did I fuckin' do to fuckin' deserve that fuckin' fish crying over than damn fish. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.." Hidan complained saying 'fuck' a few more hundred times.

"I am not spending my precious money on another fish." Kakuzu announced. What a meanie..

Sasori muttered something about 'he should've made a wooden fish, they would've been smart- asses,' and walked off, to abuse more non- fish puppets.

Tobi ran around screaming, since an inch was his least favorite measurement, and his greatest fear, then tap- danced, followed by running so hard into the guy who announced where the akatsuki hideout was located. Which made the poor random guy die. I haven't an idea how..besides the collision.

Itachi got tired of Kisame for the moment since he was rocking back and fourth telling himself K- Bling was okay, and walked over to Deidara.

"Hn." Itachi...um...'hn'd' Deidara.

"Yeah."

"Hn."

"Yeah."

"Hn...?" Itachi sounded like he was asking if that was a challenge.

"Yeah..!"

"Hn!!"

"NO!"

"..What..?" Itachi questioned.

"What, yeah..?"

Itachi sighed and walked off to his room to write poetry.

"Why the FUCK did I start this organization..." The Leader asked himself rhetorically.

"BEILIEVE IT!!" Naruto screamed in the backround, somehow at the Akatsuki hideout, which probably meant he was going to get killed soon.

"Oh...duh...so I can take naps and sleep with a teddy bear but still be evil." The Leader sighed contently put his head down on the table that was there the whole time and cuddled up to Screw- Machine..yes..that was the name of his teddy- bear..which oddly resembled Orochimaru..but it was a bear...not a snake which you could easily question it's sexuality.

* * *

**Author- person: hm..yes I left out Zetsu and Konan and whatever other Akatsuki members I've foolishly forgotten. I've made it so that all the akatsuki members who have died are still alive. Itachi is not gay. It's just fun to mess with his character, lol. I actually like him and all the rest of the akatsuki members, it's just fun to make fun of them. I know, I probably have many things mispelled, but I'm tired. And this is pretty much the only time I can really write another chapter. Will update in one week. :]**


	13. lotsa stuff

****

Author person: ya, I skipped a lot of weeks but that gave me time to think of a lot of ideas. But I kinda just woke up, and it's...10:30 pm some time around that...so this might suck more than I'd think..anyone wanna do the disclaimer..?

***crikets chirp***

**Author person: Dammit, i told them to get rid of those crickets... *walks off muttering something about lazy ninjas***

***walks back* **

**Author person: I don't own Naruto..or any creative ways to say a disclaimer**

* * *

It was just an average day with Naruto and friends..well kinda Sakura was gone because she bitch- slapped Tsunade because Tsunade told her The Spice Girls weren't good music and was exiled because they really aren't and she bitch slapped her (an: I have no idea who TSG are actually, I heard them once and I'm scarred, btw I was about 8 I think.) Kakashi started a world exposition on finding more porn, because Jiraiya had come to a stop on his series after he found a girl (he doesn't know yet 'she' is a guy... *laughs diabolically*) Sasuke went to Orochimaru..I finally decided to bring that into the story..Erm, okay and Sai and Yamato decided to follow after Kakashi because Naruto was getting clingy..

Okay anyways it was an average day with Naruto, Neji, Kiba, and Lee at Team 7's old training ground. Kinda average. More or Less. Definetely not normal.

**Somewhere in the forest**

Two figures were running soundlessly through the forest nearby..almost soundlessly if it weren't for the branches breaking underneath Fatty Mc Fatty's weight (cough cough Kisame cough.)

They finally could see all the 15 year old shinobi's in sight and silently waited..evilly

**Back to Naruto and..friends**

Neji looked up at the sky and the sun coming out of the clouds and ran off.

"Geez, what's his problem?" Naruto asked loudly, more like screeching...like a banshee that had just lost his favorite pair of shoes or whatever banshee's like..Kisame and Itachi covered their ears from the distance they were at.

"Wts was that?" Gaara asked himself looking up from his paperwork in Suna. Seeing no one would answer, he growled and sent sand to beat up Kankuro to vent out his anger.

"Neji's afraid of his shadow..but in a YOUTHFUL way" Lee informed Naruto pushing up invisable glasses for some reason. Seeming to ignore his pounding ears.

"What?!" Kiba yelled as if he hadn't heard him.

"Great...now we have to bring him to the hospital, he's deaf again.." Naruto concluded whispering as if he couldn't control the volume of his voice.

"But Naruto, the YOUTHFUL hospital has been closed down since Tsunade got bitch- slapped? Since until she healed naturally no one can get healed at all? I think it is very UNYOUTHFUL." Lee informed him raising his voice everytime he mentioned youth, Naruto sighed wondering if he would still say 'youthful' when he turned like 70 years old..

"WHAT?!" Kiba seemed to get frustrated first Akamaru running off with a cat he BARELY knew, then this stupid thing where Lee and Naruto were just mouthing words to annoy him.

"Ignore him, back to training." Naruto instructed in a normal tone.

Lee nodded then proceeded to run around a rock for agility or whatever Naruto thought, then snickered when Lee ran straight into the rock, knocking him unconscious.

"Hm maybe I could use Lee as a punching bag...it worked last time.." Naruto said to himself, deep in thought.

Suddenly, the two akatsuki members stepped out from behind the giant cardboard box where they had been hiding which was placed awkwardly right behind the boulder that Lee had been knocked out on. They hadn't noticed because Itachi and Kisame were just that cool.

"Well well well, if it isn't the Kyuu-" Kisame started

"OMFG WTH IT'S AKATSUKI!!!!!!!!" Naruto screamed in his loudest voice possible, luckily Kisame and Itachi had put on super sound proof head phone thingy's just in time.

Gaara rubbed his temples "Okay I am definetely hearing things.." He sighed as he applied pernament pink sparkly paint to Kankuro's face while he was restrained by sand.

This had some effects on the ninja world:Kiba was now incurably deaf, Lee was now more unconcious, villager's planned to destroy his favorite ramen stand as punishment, the leader of akatsuki twitched noticably, Tsunade's bitch- slap mark got redder, and Sasuke thought he vaguely heard an annoying sound but then shrugged and told himself Orochimaru's speech impediment was getting to him (I used to have a speech impediment).

Kiba sniffed the air, spelling a little too much of a fish smell and passed out from it.

Kisame scoffed trying to get Naruto's attention as he franitcally switched between pointing to him and his partner.

"Well well well, if it isn't th-"

"Enough Kisame we haven't much time, since you had to make friends with that foolish little salmon in the stream." Itachi stated bluntly to his partner, not even paying him any attention.

"Okay let's just skip right to the fight." Kisame smirked at Naruto who was trying to get rid of finger cramps from pointing too much.

Kisame then did that one thing those Sailor Moon girls do or whatever, but he didn't crossdress or get rid of his clothes, kinda like a pg version. But it still had the sparkly backround. (Idk haven't watched that show in god knows how many years)

"No Kisame not th-....ugh" Itachi exclaimed waving his arms in anger, looking very un- Itachi- ish.

Kisame finished turning into whatever.

"DESTINY!!" They all heard from someplace, Itachi chose to ignore it, Naruto knew it was Neji.

Naruto gasped, "What...the..fuck.." He stared blankly at Kisame. He had just transformed into a fish..not a humanish fish like Kisame kinda was..one of those fish you see at a pet store..but uglier than the rest of the fish so no one buys it.

"Dumb- ass I told you before never to do this again." Itachi kicked him slightly and Kisame just glared at Itachi while doing something a fish typically does out of water (flop around, die slowly, blah blah blah.)

"What? I thought he was a shark!???" Naruto screamed again, as Itachi regretably took a fish bowl out of his cloak and placed the ugly fish in it.

"Duh, sharks don't have hair.." Itachi told him glaring at him, shaking the bowl slightly showing his anger towards Kisame.

"Well..." Naruto started, kicking his feet at the ground never having to be in such a situation.

"Hn?"

"Are we gonna fight..or what?" He questioned, while Itachi was glaring at Kisame and mumbling threats to him.

"No." Itachi spoke. And then left, leaving Kisame behind.

Naruto had the suspicion that Itachi left just to make Kisame suffer.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Naruto asked himself, looking down at the fish bowl saying this as if a mother was remarking to herself about a child that didn't fit in at school. Kisame looked at him like 'wtf.'

Naruto stared at the fish until it floated to the top, Kisame had a heart attack from Itachi leaving him, or drowned to death...Naruto thought it was the later.

Naruto walked with the fishbowl until he reached a stream he thought was clean (actually where Konoha dumps all its sewage) Naruto threw the fishbowl in as if he didn't care and walked off.

Little did he know, Kisame was alive (mind you, I need him for the rest of the stories) and turned back to himself after about 5 hours..suprisingly he smelled worse than normal.

Kisame grumbled, and started walking back to Akatsuki base.

"Dammit Itachi, wait until you ask me to do your laundry again."

* * *

**Author person: I think I was a little too sadistic on this one..Kisame turning into a particularly ugly fish, Kiba deaf, Lee passed out, Kankuro with pink face paint, Tsunade getting bitch- slapped, Sakura exiled, no more porn for Kakashi, Jiraiya dating a guy, no laundry done for Itachi (oh noes), Akamaru running off with a cat..yea but anyways I think I wasn't descriptive enough Kisame was probably a bug- eyed fish with...ah forget it can't think of anything..just think of an ugly fish..I for one, have a grudge against fishes.**

**Sakura: How come I have to like spice girls?! *punched ground***

**Author person: *watches computer fall into giant hole in ground* Ah!! Sakura why?! How am I gonna upload this chapter?! How am I gonna write the rest of this senten**


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